I’m starting out writing this blog as I approach the age of 53. I can look back on my life through my forties, thirties, twenties and even my teenage years. I can see things now that I consider to be bad decisions. I wish I could go back and change some of them. Well, actually, sometimes I wonder if all the mistakes we make earlier in life are actually needed in order to make us the person we are today? That’s a topic for another post perhaps.
But what is on my mind today, is whether or not my writing and perspectives now, as someone in midlife is even helpful to those younger people who may stumble upon this blog? One thing I understand as I age is that we evolve in who we are. As we meander through life we gather up experiences, lessons, perspectives, preferences and so on. We change and grow in who we are as a person. I am not the same person now that I was at age 25, and I’m sure that if I am lucky enough to still be around at 75 or 85 that I will not be the same person I am today.
I can’t go back and change any of my past, none of us can. My goal with this blog is to impart some wisdom that could be useful for somebody reading it. Yet, aren’t there already millions of blogs, books, courses, YouTube videos, etc on every subject on earth you could ever want to learn about? Isn’t all of this advice already out there and accessible? I’m sure it is.
I’ve made mistakes with relationships, business, money, and health, among other things. These are the big ones for me. Yet there are and always have been an absolute abundance of helpful advice in all of these areas already. Why didn’t I use them when I was younger? Why didn’t I read books about relationships and business in my twenties when I was starting out in mine?
In my job there’s a young woman who I work with, Stacey and she’s awesome. She’s so funny and full of energy and one of the things I love about her is that she is so inquisitive. She asks a lot of questions about life, and she thinks a lot about the future. She’s just 27 years old. Saying that though, even though she asks a lot of questions, I’ve noticed that she doesn’t hear the answers a lot of the time.
For example, she’s very focused on her financial future at the moment. She still lives with her parents, she doesn’t drive and she works not only full time but she does a ton of overtime. She’s earning as much as she can and she has the potential to have a very low expenditure by living with her parents. She’s asked me specifically how she can secure her future financially.
So, one of the things that interests me greatly, and that I have utterly failed to do, is retire early. What’s amazing is that if you can save a good chunk of what you earn from a young age and invest it in a modest way, you can retire SO much earlier than the norm. But the key is, you must start early in life. It’s too late for me. But when Stacey asked about this I was thrilled to point her towards some resources that would tell her how to do it.
However, has she read any of them? No. She keeps asking me about it and I keep saying to her, read those links I sent you! But she doesn’t.
I have many other similar stories. One of my nieces suffers greatly with extreme anxiety and OCD. We’re not talking just a need to tidy up and have things in order – this is the kind of anxiety that stops her sleeping, that makes the world a very frightening place and even gives her suicidal thoughts at times. Now, I have experienced some extreme anxiety in my own life a few times, and I found a resource that was amazingly helpful – A Little Peace of Mind, by Nicola Bird.
I started off by reading the book. It was nothing like I have ever read before. It’s not about anxiety as such, it’s about getting in touch with the innate wellbeing that is within us all. Again, a topic for another blog post in the future perhaps. In addition to the book, she has an amazing podcast with over 100 episodes and now she has even made the course that she used to charge a lot of money for completely free on YouTube.
I’ve told my niece about this resource many times, and she always says thanks, but she’s never read the book, listened to the podcast or watched any of the videos. Why not? I don’t know.
One more story – one of my exes has a son who’s recently turned 17. He’s not starting out well in life. Okay perhaps that is judgmental of me to say but if he continues on this same trajectory through life that he is starting out on his path to adulthood, it is doubtful that he will have a good life. He spends every penny he earns. Most of that is spent on alcohol, weed and junk food. He does not exercise. He hates college and is frequently suspended. He does not wish to work. He spends his time smoking, drinking, hanging out with his friends and playing on his XBox.
My ex just says, well he’s a teenager and that’s what teenagers do. Perhaps for some, but that’s not objectively true, and certainly not true of all teenagers. For example, another one of my nieces (I have lots of nieces!) also has a 17 year old boy and he could not be more different. He does not drink, he doesn’t smoke, he is a top student in his studies and he has a football scholarship.
Why is one teenager so different from the other? That’s a huge debate in itself and to be honest, it doesn’t really matter. What I found frustrating was that when I was in a relationship with that ex, I got on well with her son and I hoped that I could be a good influence on him, and impart some of my wisdom. He told me once that he wanted to be his own boss and become a millionaire. Great! I have lots of experience in business and I could certainly teach him about my mistakes so that he could start out well. I gave him a really good book which helped me a lot (but didn’t manage to fully follow myself!) but of course, he has not read it.
There’s that old saying isn’t there, when the student is ready, the teacher appears. You can’t force someone to learn, to take advice, to read a book. What somebody can ‘hear’, depends entirely on their mindset. I have had the experience of reading a book, and then reading it again some years later and having a completely different experience of the exact same book. Why? Because I have changed, my mindset , my perspective has changed.
So this worries me. It might be that this whole blog and everything I might have to say could be quite pointless if it only falls on deaf ears, or indeed, if it is never even read at all. But one could say that about any kind of blog, book, course and so on. But I’ll write anyway. I don’t know if my thoughts can really help anyone, but honestly, I find it helpful for my own wellbeing to get my thoughts out in this way so from that selfish perspective, I’ll continue to write!
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